What Do You Eat For Lunch In the Desert?

A sandwich.

How's everybody doing today/tonight? Thank you for taking the time to read about your favorite exciting, open-minded, cultured streets maintenance worker/fall guy/sparring partner living in Chile, South America.

Unbeknownst to most of you (because you are ignorant), a couple of weeks ago Chile qualified for the World Cup. Unlike in the United States--where spontaneous public celebration is discouraged unless Obama is elected--people in Chile have impromptu street parties often when something good happens. A few friends and I made the trip to the central plaza* in Concepciòn to partake in the festivities. If you have never celebrated your soccer team going to the World Cup, I strongly recommend it. At the plaza party people jumped in a cold fountain (a lá Friends), sang soccer songs, danced soccer dances, honked car horns, drank in public, climbed up statues, and waved flags out car windows. Only 21 people were arrested, and no one was hurt!

Last Saturday, I attended a Chilean wedding. The ceremony began at 8:30 P.M. and the reception didn't end until around 5:30 A.M. It was a lot of fun and pretty similar to a wedding back home, even with the whole making people feel embarrassed thing. However, I did notice some things that usually do not occur at a wedding in the United States:

• During the obligatory wedding slideshow, the song "Love Hurts" by Nazareth was played. Unfortunately, they did not play "Son of A Bitch."
• At 3 A.M. waiters brought out silver trays of Mardi Gras accessories, which everyone proceeded to wear. I accessorized with a giant, pink polka-dotted plastic bow tie and some glowsticks.
• There was a dessert buffet. All large get-togethers could be made better by the addition of a really good dessert buffet.
• During the meal, the DJ played lounge versions of popular English-language 80's and 90's rock songs. Highlights included, "Creep," "Don't Speak" and "Hungry Like A Wolf."
• Everyone danced "The Twist" in Spanish.

All in all, it was a really good time made better by an open bar.

Recently, I took a trip to the Atacameña desert in the far north of Chile. It is a beautiful place and probably the only place in Chile where old white couples with matching overloaded backpacks, fleece pullovers and cargo capris can blend in. However, ridiculous outfits aside, the Atacameña desert is well worth the trip if you are into any of the following:

• Sunsets and Sunrises
• Bonfires inside restaurants
• Sun
• Salt flats where flamingos live. I think they imported the flamingos to get people to go the salt flats
• Sand in your orifices (especially your ears)
• Sand in general
• Beautiful mountains and valleys
• A really good restaurant that only serves rotissierie chicken, drinks and french fries
• Oasises
• Throwing your used toiletpaper into a garbage can

After the desert, I returned to the capitol of Chile, Santiago where I got to spend some time in a novelty T-shirt shop. Now all of you know that novelty t-shirts in English are ugly and stupid and should never be worn outside of fixing a car or painting something messy. However, the language and cultural barriers make Chilean novelty t-shirts funnier. My personal favorites were "Burger King, The House of Shit" and "Sex Aspirin."

Best North American Apparel:

• D-Generation X hat sported by senior citizen
• Ricky Watters Eagles Jersey

Thanks again for reading. I'll leave you with the best quote I have heard directed towards me on the street in broken English the whole time I have been in Chile.

"Your face, your ass. What's the difference?"

*Plazas are big open spaces in the middle of a city with statues, vendors, trees, lightposts benches and vagrants. You can watch a live comedy play, get your shoes shined, and urinate on lightposts (even in broad daylight) in plazas.